POLARIDADES I
| 15, May, 19
In the exploration that involves questioning ourselves to know ourselves and to escape the stereotyping in which we are fitted by our culture, education, and experiences, self-concept appears as a construct of the result of our interaction with the context, with what disposition we are truly born, and how this is molded as our life progresses.
To the questions: Who am I? How would I describe myself? What characterizes me? What do I not identify with? the answers are varied but above all rigorous: this I am and this I am not.
Polarities, from Gestalt therapy, are approached as characteristics or "ways of being/existing" of the human being; generally, we tend to perceive only one side of this polarity and deny or avoid its counterpart.
The first thing I want to highlight before delving deeper into the topic of ego and character manifested in polarities is that nothing exists without its opposite: there is no light without shadow, no exhalation without inhalation, no mind without body, etc. These are extreme points of the same thing; we are unable to grasp something without the existence of its complementary opposite.
The process of separation is mainly cognitive; it is our mind that leads us to establish agreements and limits, in order to understand concepts and adopt an identity. When we are conceived, we are one with our mother, and when we are born, we are "fragmented" for the first time, and we begin the process of differentiation from the world: this is me and this is everything else; this is the first contradiction that appears in our lives.
Then we continue to distance ourselves to: define our body – which we often treat as if it were an alien object and not ourselves –, constitute our self, strengthen our belonging to groups, among others. With the usual functioning of the mind, we are not able to perceive everything as a unit; however, what we can do is expand our awareness that when we are in one place, it is because another exists, and therefore this state is transitory.
It is the coming and going between polarities that maintains the functioning of all that is alive; without the contradiction of our heartbeats (systole and diastole) we do not exist; likewise, it is when we become rigid in a posture or a concept that we begin to get sick and generate suffering. For example, if I describe myself as a generous person – which at first glance seems like a positive characteristic – and I never move from there, I run the risk of even being left with nothing to offer.
These entrenched polarities end up becoming what structures our ego. We usually recognize some characteristics and ignore/not accept/project the others, thus generating rigidity in our feelings, our responses, reaction capacities, creativity, and neuroses; which results in the repetition of decisions, situations, internal conflicts, and relationship styles.
For these reasons, Gestalt psychotherapy emphasizes the integration of all parts of the self among its objectives, promoting dialogue between polarities and awareness of their functioning. In Carabelli's words: "Our task consists of broadening our perspective and realizing that we are separating what is united. It is not about uniting, but about looking closely and realizing that it has always been united and complete."
Work focused on the integration of polarities is equivalent to the expansion of the limits of consciousness, and an expanded consciousness is synonymous with health, for inhabiting the totality of our being means being able to make use of all our existential resources.
A person who ignores part of themselves is fragmented, limited, and in conflict; bringing light (awareness) to the places in me that I don't know promotes the acceptance of the totality of my being, including those polarities that I don't approve of or don't allow myself. These different aspects (opposites) are part of the same unity, part of my being.
A healthy person, according to Joseph Zinker, is one who has managed to broaden their personality and stretch their self-concept through the recognition of the polarities that constitute them, even if some are not approved or well-regarded socially. It often happens that the way of "being" that we do not allow ourselves, harbors within it the relief for our discomfort.