Unfinished business.
| 14, Nov, 18
Unfinished situations or open Gestalts are, as their name suggests, experiences –internal AND external– that we have not been able to resolve and that therefore continue to consume energy from our present, even if they occurred some time ago.
Closures cannot be skipped; they do not happen on their own. It is true that some will be simpler than others, and also that the hardest ones to go through are those that have brought the most learning.
A common mistake we humans make is wanting to avoid the painful part of life, which is as inevitable as feeling well-being. Being able to befriend emotions that are considered “negative” is a lifelong task, as each situation challenges us to be creative, to generate new tools to move forward; understanding that only by immersing ourselves in them can we cross to the other side.
Every journey, every grief, and every letting go is unique. There is no point in comparing our way with that of another person, as it is a unique mix of emotional conditioning, context, resources, learning, paradigms, experiences, spirituality, etc.
An important part of psychotherapy is when patients, after having overcome a situation, feel sadness about it again; a different sadness but sadness nonetheless, tending to conclude that the situation “has not been overcome”; however, this is where learning about updated grief, about memories begins
–including emotion– that accompany us, and about self-compassion.
A closure can be defined as the psychological and emotional conclusion of a situation; this means that the person stops investing their energy in that experience, rescuing the learning and focusing on the present.
We can confirm that a situation is truly closed when we identify a lesson from it. At this point, we manage to take a step forward, considering our learning to make, along with this new knowledge, the next decision in our present.
On the contrary, if we fall into the avoidant, change-resistant, environment-controlling pattern, we enter a loop where we try to manipulate the environment to obtain the results we expect, continuously leading us to feelings of frustration, experiencing similar situations until eventually, with time, experience, and perhaps someone's help, we can free ourselves from the dynamic, recognize ourselves, and grow.
To help guide a closure, I suggest you choose the unfinished situation and complete the following phrases:
I learned…
I am grateful… I have pending….
I want to say goodbye to…